Beauty From Ashes

We were privileged to spend November 24th (the American Thanksgiving Day) with the full-time missionaries here in Kiev at a wonderful zone conference.  Our hearts were filled with gratitude for the amazing young and not-so-young persons who have dedicated two years of their lives to serving others.  We were so inspired by President and Sister Packer’s instruction.    Additionally, Sister Packer had planned and, with the help of senior missionaries, served a delicious noon-time dinner complete with turkey, dressing, mashed potatoes, salads, and deserts.   A few hours later, Americans sat down to a similar dinner to give thanks for the hand of the Lord in preserving their forefathers who settled North America. 

   

While Americans were celebrating Thanksgiving, Ukrainians were commemorating Holodomor Remembrance Day.  On this day especially, Ukrainians remember the unimaginable suffering and death of many millions of their forefathers who were intentionally and systematically starved to death by Josef Stalin in 1932-33. Although I have always loved history, this horrific event is something of which I was unaware.  Conquering nations have a habit of rewriting history to fit their narrative. Some in the West combine coverage of this mass murder together with the collectivization of the farms in the Soviet Union.  But this was more, much more.  Proletarska Pravda in 1930 wrote that the collectivization in Ukraine was intended to “destroy the social basis of Ukrainian nationalism.”  Once the farms were collectivized, Stalin sought to destroy Ukrainian culture, traditions and yearnings for independence.  Not only was the countryside stripped of grain, but of anything else that was remotely edible.  All farming tools and cooking utensils were confiscated and the borders were sealed to prevent food from coming in and people from going out.  This happened in Ukraine and also in the parts of Russia adjoining Ukraine where there were large Ukrainian populations.  Genocide was the intention.  Entire villages disappeared.  Estimates range up to ten million victims.  Russia then colonized portions of Ukraine where the population had been decimated.  When media outlets mention people of Russian ethnicity living in Ukraine, this is why. 

The spirit of freedom has always burned brightly in Ukrainian souls, and in 1991 they choose freedom as an independent nation and withdrew from the Soviet Union, catalyzing the dissolution of the USSR.  The current leadership in Russia is now seeking to rebuild an empire. Realizing that there has never been such an empire without Ukraine, (the bread-basket of Eastern Europe with rich soil and ports on the Black Sea), Russia has sought to reclaim Ukrainian territory as its own.   I’ve seen western media reports which claim that the ethnic Russians here want to be reunited with Russia.  And indeed, those still living in cities where armed Russian soldiers are stationed do say that, presumably for their own protection.  But those who descended from the Russians transplanted by Stalin into Ukraine with whom I’ve personally talked, claim now to be Ukrainian in nationality and allegiance.  They love the freedom enjoyed here and have no desire to lose it.  As a result, there are in Kiev hosts of refugees from the Crimea and Donbas areas. 

You can imagine the distress felt by Ukrainians as they contemplate the 55,000 Russian troops stationed on their borders.  They are further distressed by media reports of the American president-elect’s friendly attitude toward Russia.  No wonder, with such a tragic history behind them, Howard didn’t often see smiles on the street 25 years ago.  (He actually saw cheering when independence was declared).  No wonder I don’t see smiles on the street now!   But, don’t let that fool anyone – underneath the stern exteriors lie hearts with the capability of a full range of emotions.  This is abundantly clear with those who have embraced hope in Christ through covenants made in the waters of baptism.  Such love expressed to one another!  Such smiles and hugs!  Such love expressed within families and among close friends!

The depth of emotion felt by Ukrainians, and not just by those of our faith, is also abundantly clear in their music.  An amazing number of people here show unusual musical talent which we enjoy at almost every event.  Howard and I were deeply moved by a Rachmaninoff concert we attended.  (Yes, I know Rachmaninov was Russian). Three members of the L’Viv Philharmonic orchestra performed the entire Second Concerto on piano, cello and violin.  We barely noticed the hard upright seats and were disappointed that it had to end, so beautiful and full of passion was the performance given by these talented Ukrainians.  Two days later, we attended a concert of Ukrainian folk dancers.  Oh, my goodness!  I could never have imagined anything so amazing and wonderful!  The costumes!  The music! The colors!  The happiness! The athleticism of the dancers!  No words can come close to describing it.  Attached to this post are pictures, which don’t do the experience justice. 

It has been my experience that deeply held emotions, even joy, arise from suffering, and that the height of our joys can be measured by the depth of our sorrows.  I was asked to speak to a group of LDS sisters last Saturday evening about how I had survived adversity and still retained my ability to be happy.  The event went very well.  Several sisters told me that I spoke directly to their hearts and lives.  I spoke of the blessings that come from adversity, the most important of which is that we can come to know the Lord personally and deeply when we experience the most profound distresses, but only if we truly turn to Him in our anguish.  I used examples from my own life to illustrate the concept.  I have lived through much adversity and I have never failed to acknowledge the Lord’s critical role in strengthening and helping me through all of it.  However, I have always taken it a challenge at a time.  It wasn’t until after the speaking event that the totality of the things I’ve suffered hit me.  I could visualize the events transpiring over the length of my life.  It was quite overwhelming, not just the realization, but the gratitude that I feel for the Lord and His love.  What a paradox!  It is impossible to survive severe adversity on our own without becoming bitter, but if we accept the Lord’s help to successfully navigate the deep waters, He loves us for our faithfulness in coming through not only intact but transformed by Him.   Oh, how wonderful that is to me!

Not only can the Lord use adversity to shape our individual character, but He can use it to transform a nation.  Adversity can soften hearts and prepare them to receive divine tutoring.  I think of the way in which a farmer harrows his fields to prepare them to receive seed.  Perhaps Holodomor prepared Ukraine to receive the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.  I hope that this thought doesn’t trivialize what happened, because, like what is happening currently in Aleppo, there are no words to describe the horror.  In spite of that, I believe deep in my soul that the Lord, who does not cause, or even condone such inhumanity, can and does use even horrific events to bless.  There is not one soul who turns to Him who will not feel His love and transformative power, if not in mortality, then in the hereafter.  In 1991 when Howard and his little band of missionaries arrived in Ukraine, the people were seeking for truth.  Many were prepared through dreams and other divine intervention to receive the glad message.  The harvest was bountiful.  It was common to see more than 100 baptisms a month, more than all of the European missions combined.  It was a true miracle.  The first stake in Zion formed in the former Soviet Union was organized in Ukraine – and the Kiev Temple is the first, and only, temple operating in the former USSR. 

Our Father is truly a God of miracles, a God of love, a God of mercy!  The reach of His power and compensatory blessings is seen in individual lives, and collectively in a people prepared to receive them.  Truly He creates beauty from ashes. 

Ukrainian Folk Dancing concert.

                                    

Zone Conference

Off the subject, but above is a picture of a protest taken from the window of our apartment. The white edge at the bottom is our window sill.

Rachmaninoff Concert: 

Far right is the violinist, third from right is pianist and the one with the beard is the cellist. 

"It Happens"

Today was the second time in less than a week that the water in our apartment just didn’t work.  It turns out this second time, that the pipes broke in another apartment and the service people couldn’t contact the owners of that particular unit.  Their solution was to turn off the water to the entire building until the people could be reached, which took more than 12 hours.  I’m sure this served to prevent further damage, but it certainly must have frustrated the many other inhabitants of the building.  I learned a new phrase in Russian, “it doesn’t work.”  It seems that phrase is a very useful one. 

I heard another common phrase as I explained our water situation to a Ukrainian friend.  She said, “It happens.”  It made me laugh because of the tone of resignation with which it was said.  Howard tells stories from his earlier mission here when he heard that phrase many, many times.  Yes, bad or frustrating, or even devastating things happen in life.  The people here appear to have learned that well. They seem to have adopted an attitude of, “Well, it’s something that can’t be helped, so endure it as best you can until things change.”  

The conversation with my friend not only helped me to wait a little more patiently for water, but to reflect upon life, its ups and downs and its purposes.  As every member of the human race can verify, less than optimal things “happen” in life.  Some of these things are far more than mere inconveniences. Very bad things often happen to even very good people.  Our Heavenly Father knew this would be the case when He sent us to experience mortality.  In fact, we knew it too!   So what do we do?  Do we wait passively until things change?  Do we allow circumstances to make us negative and bitter?  Or do we turn our hearts to the Lord as we allow circumstances to work within us to help us grow in character and spirit?

This prompted other thoughts about the way the natural world works.  It is a scientific principle (the Second Law of Thermodynamics) that when things are left alone, they deteriorate and disintegrate.  Old buildings crumble and fall; water pipes rust and break; organisms age and die.  It takes creative intelligence and effort to reverse this trend. This law seems to be universal in its effect.  What happens when we fail to do the things that helped us to gain a testimony in the beginning?  Our testimonies atrophy and die.

“Wherefore, ye must press forward with steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life.” 2 Nephi 31:20.

Of course, we don’t seek just to retain the bright intensity of our testimonies, but to be granted eternal life – to be once again in the presence of our Heavenly Family and feel at home there. It takes creative intelligent diligent effort to move forward.  Happily, we are not alone in this quest.  Our Father has not only provided His Son to pay the price that we cannot pay, but He also helps and encourages us to do the part that we must do ourselves.  

We certainly received encouragement in the words of our living prophets this past weekend.  How we love General Conference!  In fact, Howard and I love it so much that we watched the sessions as they were being broadcast, which meant we began watching the afternoon sessions at 11:00 pm on both Saturday and Sunday.  As Elder Hales testified, through participation in Conference, “faith is fortified and testimonies deepened.”  It was interesting to me when Elder Ballard gave a talk on the very topic and using the very scripture that Howard used in a talk he prepared two weeks ago for a fireside we are giving this coming weekend.  “Will ye also go away?” “To whom shall we go?” (John 6: 67-68).  Great minds think alike – especially minds in tune with the greatest mind of all!

Of course, our Father doesn’t want us to endure to the end in the sense that we just hang on until we expire.  He wants us to expand our capacities, increase our joys and become like our Savior. This takes purposeful effort.  The most effective tools of all which our Father uses to help us to continually make the right kind of effort are the covenants which we make in the waters of baptism and in holy temples, all of which are renewed during the weekly Sacrament ordinance.  Does the fact that we are commanded to renew them weekly tell us anything of our natural man tendencies if not acted upon by intelligent, creative effort and power?  I am not sure any of us can completely comprehend the power of the temple ordinances and covenants in exalting mankind, but we received a heavenly glimpse in the blessings that were pronounced upon us as we were set apart as ordinance workers in the Kyiv Ukraine Temple.  We both enjoyed being with Colleen during these Priesthood blessings.

I observed a striking example of the transforming miracle of the power of God. While I was sitting near the temple recommend desk, I saw an older man enter the temple.  He was dressed in very humble clothing. I thought he was one of the many people who come in from the street asking if they can tour the temple. Instead of approaching the desk, however, he disappeared into a small room and emerged dressed in the white clothes of an ordinance worker.  Later that day, we participated in sealing ordinances and this humble man was the sealer.  What confidence and power he exuded!  He seemed full of light.  I’ve reflected upon this miraculous transformation again and again because he symbolizes to me what the Gospel of Jesus Christ can do for all of us if we continue to partake of the Lord’s marvelous power and do our part to come unto Him. 

This past week we were asked to head a project that will be designed to reach out to those of God’s children who, for whatever reason, have let the natural man tendency to succumb to the law of deterioration affect their testimonies and activity in the church.  We are excited about it and will probably later share more about what we are doing in this regard.  We are sure this is the reason we came to Ukraine in the way that we did, rather than as official missionaries.  Also, we hope many of you were able to read the Church News article which President Pohilko and I co-authored.  It was published last Saturday and described the Ukrainian 25 Year Anniversary Celebration.

Yes, “it happens.”  Life happens.  Rather than passively accepting the inevitability of deterioration and decay, let us press forward towards the prize we so covet.  Let us lay hold of the good gifts offered to us by a loving Father and Savior.  We love them with all of our hearts and are so very grateful for their bountiful blessings.

Impossible Really Means Miraculous

When Howard served as Mission President to the first mission in Ukraine (1991-1994), the motto he chose for the mission came from Matthew 17:20: "and nothing shall be impossible unto you."  This scripture taken in its entirety teaches that all things are possible to those who have faith in God.  To say this in Russian, one would say, with God “nothing will not be not possible" (a triple negative).  The missionaries and their President talked about this constantly and put faith into real action.  It was a mission filled to the brim with true miracles.  Some of these are recounted in Howard's book, The Morning Breaks published by Deseret Book.  Both of us can testify that great miracles occur when we exercise great faith.  Prayers are answered in ways that seem improbable to the natural man. 

As we prepare to begin our volunteer "mission" to Ukraine, we can't help but reflect upon the miracles that have occurred over the past several (17) months since we agreed to be married.   And really that is the first miracle.  When Howard's beloved wife, Colleen, died in late 2014, Howard had no intention of marrying again.  He had lived a long, full life and was in poor health.  Colleen had died after a long period of total disability caused by an operation gone wrong.  Howard had stayed constantly at her side, serving her faithfully, just as she had served him faithfully during his long years of church service.  Eleven years of care-giving had taken their toll; however, as his 80th birthday drew near, his daughter and son-in-law suggested that he should go with them on an outing to celebrate.  They decided to "double date."  And who could he ask who would not "get the wrong idea?"  They settled on Laurel, a close relative of Colleen's, whom Howard had known well for nearly sixty years.   As for Laurel, she certainly did not get the wrong idea and accepted the invitation only because she believed that Howard deserved a little fun after such a long, difficult period of his life.  She admired him for his spirituality and for the faithfulness with which he had served Colleen  -  but having been twice widowed already, she was not looking for another opportunity for marriage, especially not to a man 15 years her senior. Uncharacteristically, Howard decided on the first date that he wanted to marry Laurel and asked her to marry him on the second.  Howard considers it a great miracle that Laurel was willing to sincerely pray about the idea despite his health and age.  Laurel has learned to get answers to prayers and received not one, but three unmistakable answers that it was the Lord's will that we marry.  What a blessing that marriage has been to both of us!  We are truly in love and our combined faith has been rewarded with the additional miracles needed for us to serve as volunteers in Ukraine.

Once we determined to marry, we immediately set a goal to serve an LDS mission as soon as we possibly could.  We wanted to serve in Ukraine and we knew that if he was to serve a mission, Howard needed to improve his health dramatically. Even before our marriage, Howard’s son-in-law, Rolf, helped him to change his diet and begin to lose weight.  As soon as we were married, Laurel put him on her famous “mean-wife diet.”  We submitted our missionary application in September 2015, once we were sure he was no longer an insulin-dependent diabetic.  He had lost over 100 pounds by then. 

We were thrilled to receive our missionary call between the Saturday sessions of the October 2015 LDS General Conference. And yes! Miracles of miracles!  We were called to serve in the Kiev (Kyiv) Ukraine temple, just as we had indicated as our first choice!  We were to report to the Salt Lake Temple for training in March.  Our Stake President was very surprised by our call because of Howard’s age.  In his experience, 80 year-olds were not called to serve full-time missions, and especially not called to serve overseas.  We were positive that there was something the Lord wanted us to do in Ukraine, not just because of the unusualness of our call, but because of many, many spiritual experiences and insights too sacred to relate here.

After our call, we continued to dedicate ourselves to the improvement of Howard’s health.  He continued to intentionally lose weight, eventually losing a total of 150 pounds before leveling off.  We walked every day to improve his stamina.  We sold both of our homes and moved into a condo (read here: lots and lots of hard work!) Laurel worked to conclude her law practice (read here: lots more work).  We sorted through Howard’s papers because the Church History Department asked for those relating to the opening of the Ukraine Mission.  In other words, the entire focus of our lives was to prepare for our mission.

Late in November Laurel became concerned because every time we went for a walk, Howard was completely exhausted for the entire rest of the day.  After a series of doctors’ appointments and tests, it was determined that he was severely anemic.  We received lab results on December 30, 2015 showing that Howard had stage 3 colon cancer.  Undaunted, we set out to heal it.  To us, it was just another obstacle put in our way by the Adversary.  We had had plenty of those and, given our strong spiritual witness that the Lord wanted us in Ukraine, this was just another obstacle to be overcome. 

Laurel, although an attorney, has had a great interest in medicine and in other types of healing modalities for many years.  She has also had experience with terminal cancer, having lost her late husband, Mark Riddle, to cancer.  Howard put himself into Laurel’s hands and Laurel put herself into the Lord’s hands.  We have been led every step of the way.  We knew when to refuse surgery, we knew not to submit to traditional chemotherapy, we knew what other kinds of treatments to request, we knew where to go to receive treatment, we knew what diet and life-style to pursue, we knew what dietary supplements to use, and we knew when to finally have surgery (after the lymph nodes were clear of cancer).  Howard received, along with amazing care, some beautiful Priesthood blessings which unfailingly promised him healing.  And miracle of miracles! Howard is completely cancer free!  And he became so without compromising his immune system!  

We are grateful to Dr. Jonathan Murphy, MD and Dr. Maggie Gamma, MD, both of An Oasis of Healing in Mesa, Arizona, Dr. Lee Peterson, MD and Dr. Richard Rasmussen, MD, both of Utah Surgical Associates in Provo, Utah, and Dr. Jeffrey Wright, ND, of Utah Valley Health Clinic in Provo, Utah, for their faith and great care.  These doctors who helped us to achieve this miracle declared that it was a miracle beyond their power to orchestrate.  We know that it is!  We are so grateful to the Lord for His kindness and gifts to us. We are determined to use this extension of life to serve Him until our very last breath.  We have been all the more convinced that the Lord has something for us to do in Ukraine and are determined to do it. 

When President Kenneth Packer, the current Kiev Ukraine Mission President, learned that we had received a call to Ukraine, he requested our help in the mission.  Although we had a desire to serve in the temple, we began to wonder whether or not we should serve more than just in the temple.  Perhaps the Lord has additional things in mind for us. 

At this point, Howard’s health looked really good and the principal doctors involved in his care believed that we could go, but we felt that it was right that we contact the missionary department and tell them what we had experienced. We received the answer to our letter through our Stake President who was asked by the department to compassionately rescind our call.  The missionary department has an unbendable rule that one who has had cancer must be in remission for at least five years before the department will even consider a full-time missionary call.  This was a blow almost as great as the original diagnosis of cancer.  We had worked so hard and with so much faith.  We had sacrificed much in terms of time, money and a complete refocus of our lives.  But again, we were undaunted, knowing that the Lord wants us in Ukraine.  This was just another obstacle to be overcome.

We decided, with the encouragement of our Stake President, to call ourselves on a “mission” to Ukraine.  When the Stake President asked the missionary department about this, they said there was nothing stopping us from doing this, except for a small minor detail: it would be impossible to get long-term visas on our own.  Impossible you say? “With God, nothing will not be not possible!”  Although it was certainly difficult, through Laurel’s determination and Howard’s contacts, we have received our long-term class D visas.  This was made possible through an agreement between the International Center for Law and Religious Studies at BYU Law School, and the Religious Studies Department of the Ukrainian National Academy of Sciences.  

We are currently in Portugal recovering from jet lag and visiting with Laurel’s son and his family.  We will arrive in Kiev (Kyiv) on August 29^th where a beautiful apartment awaits us.  We will move our church records to Kyiv and serve as local members.  We have already been asked to serve in the temple and to lecture and teach on the LDS Church for the Ukrainian National Academy of Sciences.  We have also been asked to participate in the 25^th Anniversary Celebration of the Church in Ukraine which will occur next month.  At the suggestion of the Kyiv Stake President, we will be living in an area where we can work with less-active members. This will be a major emphasis during our time in Ukraine.

And so we have begun our “mission impossible.” We solicit your faith and prayers for our success in this great adventure.  Stay tuned for the rest of the story …..